Friday, September 22, 2006

I worry, but there's nothing I can do about it.

That I think perfectly captures the major differences between American and Danish childrearing.

My 16-year-old host sister, Siv, like the average Danish teen, drinks a lot. Danish society legitimizes this behavior, since the legal drinking age (which was only recently restricted) is 16. However, parents like Eva still worry about their kids because teenagers are the most likely group to do stupid dangerous things when drunk. But unlike American parents, who would ground their teens if they thought they were going out and drinking too much, Eva just expresses her concern and lets Siv do what she wants (as long as that doesn't involve having parties in the house that would mess anything up). Eva partied as well when she was a teen, but that's not why she can't stop Siv now. Danes grant their children more freedom, to make their own decisions and their own mistakes, to take responsibility for their own actions. They may suggest their child choose a certain option, a certain path. But they cannot try to force them to, they cannot restrict the child's behavior outside of the house, and rarely actually restrict the child to the house. They let them go, and hope for the best.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not necessarily true.
You said that "American parents... would ground their teens if they thought they were going out and drinking too much." Some would, but it would be misleading to characterize this to the Danes as a typical American response. Many American parents would just ignore it, considering it a right of passage. Many would be completely oblivious about the behavior, or would be in denial. Some actually provide booze to their teenagers (keg parties provided by the parents, for example) figuring that the drinking is inevitable so why not have them do it at home. Some who know that their teens have fake i.d.'s just turn a blind eye to it. In your circles, maybe, parents grounded their kids. (If there was ever a time we should have grounded you we certainly weren't aware of it!) But American response to teen drinking certainly is varied -- depending on the parents' own value system, local community standards, religious beliefs, cultural traditions, etc. We live in a very diverse culture. The "official" stance may be that teen drinking is bad, but the reality of what parents do about it, including whether and how they discourage or encourage it (to justify their own behavior, perhaps?) varies tremendously.

Ariel said...

what i mean, then, is that it is socially acceptable in america to limit your child's behaviors, whether through grounding or curfews or telling them they can't go to a certain party. sure you have to be 18 here to legally get a tattoo or piercing, so there are some restrictions. but in general, denmark has a much more child-led approach to childrearing and childcare. all in all its rather anti-authoritarian, with limits on what your parents or your teachers or the government can tell you to do. (in the us, if a teacher doesn't like your gumchewing or hatwearing, he can say you can't do it. in denmark, your teacher can't even tell you not to drink beer in your college class.)